That Button Down Shirt
by sparkleflower
Summary: While preparing to meet Kurapika and Leorio, Killua and Gon encounter a bit of trouble and an indefinite delay while buttoning Gon's shirt.


**Hey guys, long time no see! ****Here's a nice HxH fanfic in honor of my favorite little couple who's just too dense to notice their feelings for each other.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own HunterxHunter. Wish I did. **

That Button Down Shirt.

Killua let his hands trail slightly up the front of Gon's crisp dark blue button down. He wasn't supposed to be doing this. He had already told himself to _know his limits_ and _not get too close, _but of course Gon had asked him to help button up his shirt. Gon, as usual, was pleasantly oblivious of the effect he had on the ex-assassin and didn't notice a thing as Killua's hands shook, something Killua was eternally grateful for.

Killua couldn't help noticing the little things about Gon that the shirt brought out. The depth of the color complemented Gon's bright eyes and made his brilliant smile stand out even more as he viewed his reflection in the mirror. His dark hair was messy and spiked as usual (Gon had refused to brush it down), yet he looked different than normal. It was the first time Killua had ever seen him in a long-sleeved shirt, and it made Gon seem older. More powerful, more mature. Killua wanted to touch him, thoroughly examine exactly what he already knew was under that shirt, and a feeling of longing and sadness struck him so powerfully that he almost cried.

It had been far too many years of being this close to Gon. Killua was at his breaking point. Year of training together, seeing Gon nearly naked, watching his muscles grow and develop, watching his face shape change into something mature and bold, yet seeing his childish innocence and naiveté remain. He had seen every part of Gon and had revealed every part of himself to his best friend. Gon had trusted him fully with everything and he surprised himself by knowing, with every sense in his body, that he trusted Gon just as much, if not more.

Before, he had been able to resist the cute little smiles and excited comments that could only sound genuine coming from Gon, the most genuine and _just plain good _person Killua had ever known. Now, it was just a matter of how fast Killua could escape Gon's presence after seeing one of those adorable expressions before he leaned in and kissed Gon within an inch of his life. Once he was by himself, Killua would find the nearest wall and slam his fist into it, trying to control his emotions. This had happened so many times in the past year that Gon had recently taken to asking why there were suddenly so many large holes in the walls of the Yorkshin City apartment they shared. _Only 16, and already gone. Great job controlling yourself, Killua. Aren't you supposed to be better than this?_

Killua could hear the voices of his family in his head. Silva, telling him to come home. His mother, telling him the family was all he needed. Illumi, saying that friends and love were worthless, that emotions were worthless, and that if he became attached to anyone else, Illumi would come and force Killua to murder them himself. _Nothing else is needed for the perfect cold-blooded assassin._

That thought terrified him more than anything else. Not just Gon dying, but Gon dying by his own hands. Gon had been the only one to reach out, transform Killua from heartless, immature boy to the person he was today. Gon was the only light Killua had, the one who encouraged him and told him to keep going when Killua himself was sure he wouldn't make it.

Losing Gon would be like losing a facet of himself. Gon was always there, always steady and ready for whatever life would throw his (or Killua's) way. Without Gon, Killua's personality would fade and he would become mindless and cruel again. The Killua he had become accustomed to would be lost. If Killua was forced to destroy that simple source of light himself, it would be akin to killing himself while he was at it.

Something about killing the person he loved seemed repugnant and disgusting to Killua. Destroying that trust, breaking the only bond he had ever truly formed with another person, and picturing Gon's (_perfect, happy, sunny) _face covered in blood, looking at Killua with empty, hollow eyes made Killua want to throw up.

Love. It seemed like such a simple concept, but Killua knew it was far from easy to understand. He had tried to grasp the depth of his feelings for Gon, and every time he thought he had an answer for how he felt, it would slide away as quickly as a bright smile could appear on Gon's happy face.

Gon beamed and turned to Killua, whose slightly shaking hands were still attempting to fasten the last few buttons Gon couldn't get himself.

"Killua, I love this shirt! I'm so happy you made me buy it. This color is my favorite- it's like the color you always wear!"

Gon had no idea that such a simple comment could send Killua's heart skyrocketing and his emotions scattered. _It's his favorite color because I wear it It's his favorite color because I wear it. _

The thing that irritated Killua so much was the fact that Gon had no idea about his own appeal to both the opposite and his own sex. He was too innocent. He had the gift to make everyone around him fall in love- both women and men. People watched Gon when he passed by in the street. He had the type of body and confident aura that made them feel safe, happy, wanted. The look on their faces after they had spoken to him for a little while said enough- they felt loved. So thoroughly that they never wanted to let Gon go. Even Kurapika and Leorio, when they were around Gon, relaxed completely and gave themselves over to him. It drove Killua crazy.

_I don't need an answer to how I love him. I love him, don't I? He's my best friend. And I love him. I already know that. Do I need any more? Is it enough just being around him? Even though I know he doesn't love me back, when he has so many admirers and people who love him? Did I ever even think I would be able to love? Gon's given me too much. He's even taught me to love. Nothing I do will ever be enough to repay him for giving me this. _

Killua was in a full black suit, the color contrasting his milky, pale skin and white hair, which tonight was actually brushed through in an attempt to manage it. His blue cat-shaped eyes narrowed. He gave himself a cursory glance in the mirror, still standing next to Gon. _I look like absolute shit compared to him. He's beautiful._ Gon shone. He caught Killua's eyes on him and gave Killua an angelic smile. "You look great, Killua! Your hair looks awesome, even better than usual. We should head out soon though- we can't be late! Leorio and Kurapika will be angry if we don't make it on time."

Then he forced Killua to watch as he gave a small yawn, rumpling his shirt as he put his hands above his head to stretch, a flash of his tan, hardened abdomen viewable before he put his arms back down and began to walk towards the door, not noticing Killua still stuck in place, his eyes frozen.

_?_

Gon was mad. Or frustrated. He wasn't quite sure of the word he would use to describe his emotions, but it wouldn't be a positive word.

Killua- HIS Killua- had been hit on by FIVE girls this past week. Gon had counted. And Killua hadn't bothered to tell the girls off or anything. He had just looked in the other direction when they spoke to him. Maybe he hadn't even realized they were trying to flirt, but Gon certainly did.

The first and second girls were in a restaurant the two boys were eating a late dinner at a few nights back. They had just finished an extra round of training, and hadn't bothered to shower or change before eating. Gon knew he was messy and flushed, and yet Killua looked as perfect as usual. Calm, collected, not a hair out of place, perfection. Like he hadn't just been sparring with Gon for hours on end.

The first girl had been in the booth opposite them, and had taken an opportunity to walk by and 'accidentally' brush against Killua's arm on the way to the bathroom. She had immediately apologized and introduced herself, making sure to touch Killua's arm and stare directly into his eyes as she did so. Gon couldn't take it. He had kicked Killua under the table so hard that he had looked straight at Gon and kicked him back, probably assuming they were playing some sort of contest to see who could kick the hardest. His attention was diverted into their spontaneous game, and Gon was relieved- until the _waitress_, at least ten years older than Killua, told him how attractive he was and asked him if he wanted to have some 'fun' after she got off her shift. At that point, Gon was steaming. He felt Killua's foot brush lightly against his shin under the table, and Gon shuddered lightly. Killua looked away from the waitress without saying anything to her. "Gon, can we go home now? I need a shower."

The next three times had been out in the open, random girls introducing themselves to _Gon's_ Killua. Of course they were attracted to him- why wouldn''t they be? Killua was all lean, lithe muscle and sinew covered by unmarked, milky skin- dangerous, like a tiger or wildcat. His piercing, almond-shaped blue eyes shone through his perpetually messy white hair. His face was angular, slender, full-lipped, almost girlish in the fact that it was inhumanely beautiful. He had shot up in the past year to be at least 3 inches taller than Gon's 5'10''- the two had never bothered measuring.

_Frazzled. _That was the right word. Gon was frazzled.

Just thinking about Killua these days set his nerves on edge. By nature, Gon was not a nervous or mean person. But anything about Killua was enough to set him off. He had wanted to so badly to be rude to those girls who hit on his best friend, and had barely restrained mean comments from finding their way to his mouth. Whenever Killua was around, Gon had to keep himself from grabbing Killua's collar or his face, just to feel him and know that this beautiful person was there and living with him and spending time with him and considering himself Gon's best friend.

And even now, Killua's hands were trailing up the front of his new shirt, buttoning his buttons when all Gon wanted was for him to undo them. Gon shivered a little at the touch, but Killua didn't notice. He never noticed. _Wow, it was pretty stupid of me to ask him to button my shirt for me. Do I like torturing myself?_

_Yeah, I do. _He answered his own question. _I need to be closer to him._

He watched Killua, still working on buttoning the shirt. "Killua, I love this shirt! I'm so happy you made me buy it. This color is my favorite- it's like the color you always wear!" _It makes me feel like I'm a part of you._

Killua didn't even react to the comment. Gon crumbled a little bit.

Gon watched some more as Killua turned around and glanced at himself in the mirror, one hand running a little through his hair to muss it a little. Gon smiled genuinely at the familiar action and relaxed a little. _I'm with him, and that's all that matters. What I feel for Killua is the best feeling anyone can ever be gifted. I'll wait for him as long as it takes._

__?__

Killua still hadn't moved. He couldn't. Gon's cute yawn had stripped him of all moving ability, with only one thought left running through his head. _His skin looks so smooth. _

Gon walked back from the door over to Killua. "Killua, are you okay? Do you need some help? Is there anything I can do?"

_Gon, always willing to help. So innocent and kind. I love him. _Killua looked up slowly, trying desperately to control his emotions and failing. Gon saw some kind of mental struggle, torture, in the smooth lines of his face. _"_Gon, do you trust me?"

Gon looked at him with pure innocence in his eyes. "Of course I do, Killua. You're my best friend."

That was all Killua needed. He took one more step forward and grabbed Gon's arm, pulling him against his chest with such sudden force that Gon would have lost his footing, had he not been supported fully by Killua. One of Killua's arms wrapped around his waist and the other around his back, hugging him so fiercely that Gon forgot to breathe. His scent was light and seductive, so delicious that Gon just wanted to stick out his tongue and taste the air around them. The scent surrounded him, wrapping Gon up with light, gentle caresses, just like the hand currently strumming down Gon's back in soft motions. He hadn't known Killua could be this soft.

Gon reached up and put his arms tightly around Killua's neck and hugged him back, sinking into Killua's embrace. Killua felt chills up his spine as Gon's wandering fingers began to play with the little strands of hair on the back of his neck before making their way slowly up to the top of Killua's head to grasp gently, pushing and pulling. _Gon is responding. He isn't pushing me away. _Gon was warm and comforting, everything his personality spoke for. Killua felt content just holding him like this, like everything in the world was completely all right. He was at peace.

Until he remembered that Gon was entirely too innocent and probably thought this was some kind of intimate best-friend's hug or something to that effect. Killua, in what he decided later was a fit of insanity brought on by being too close to Gon, decided to take the hug one step further. He looked at Gon's eyes. They were already half-lidded, like he was sleepy. Before he fully realized what he was doing, Killua leaned up and pressed his lips against Gon's.

Gon was shocked. The feel of Killua's soft lips on his was enough to send his senses into overdrive. He couldn't think clearly. The only conscious thought running through head was how he had no idea Killua felt this way about him.

Killua deepened the kiss by turning his head more, feeling Gon press harder against him. _Gon is fucking responding. Holy fuck he's responding. Holy fuck Holy fuck Holy fuck this feels so fucking good. _Killua felt warm and fuzzy, like some teenage girl having her first kiss. Except he wasn't a girl and this wasn't his first kiss. Gon continued to run his fingers through Killua's hair, messing it up until it didn't look like it had been brushed that day at all. Killua was burning. It all felt too good to be true- the feel of Gon's solid muscles around him, protecting him as they kissed. Gon's lips tasted like honey and adventure and the woods and every good feeling Killua had ever had. Killua pressed in deeper for more of the taste and squeaked as he felt the tickle of one of Gon's big, warm hands reach under his suit jacket. He opened his eyes quickly in surprise to meet Gon's huge smile, their lips still connected. Killua decided to close his eyes and just feel what Gon was doing to him, something he had never imagined would be possible.

Gon lifted his hand higher under Killua's shirt, using his other hand to slip the jacket off of Killua's body (Killua wasn't protesting). Killua's skin was warm and soft and just as pale as it was when they trained shirtless. Gon's fingers brushed gently over a nipple, and Killua groaned lightly against Gon's lips. Gon figured he was doing the right thing, and ghosted over the other nipple. Feeling Killua move harshly against him with that touch, Gon unbuttoned Killua's own button down and pulled it off. Killua's hands were tugging insistently on the buttons on Gon's shirt, shaking with emotion as they they tried to simultaneously undo buttons and pull the shirt off as fast as possible. Silently, Gon gave himself over. He pushed Killua down. The two boys just let themselves be swept away by feeling, stopping thinking about what they were doing.

The bed was too far away.

_?_

Killua awoke later that night and realized that he and Gon had completely missed their night out with Kurapika and Leorio. Grinning to himself as he remembered what he and Gon had shared, he rolled over and wrapped his arms firmly around Gon's bare torso. He wouldn't give this up for the world.

_Tell them how you feel, because if you don't, they will never know._

__?__

**Ah, well, now that's out of my system. Hope you liked it!**


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